Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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