you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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