There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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