I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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