i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
