He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
