At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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