and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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