I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
