theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
