I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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