Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
