i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Drake has all the answers
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
