At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
