You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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