on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
