This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
