I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
A+ Viking dick
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