smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
this hospital has no fireball
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
