Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
