...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
