Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
