my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
