does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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