I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
