I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
someone owes me an orgasm
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
