Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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