and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
