He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
