I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
