Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
