Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
