so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
