Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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