I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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