Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
