he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
