The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
