i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
