Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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