life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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