I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
