I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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