If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Randomize
