my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
