dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I don't think brook has ever known best
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
