Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
