she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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