if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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