Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
